2002-05-31

Yearly, I sterilize Conrad's cage. Because it's the right thing to do. He secretes this filmy stuff used to waterproof his feathers so it's just nice to wash it off of his perches, toys, clean his mirror and bell. I was just trying to be a good bird mama.

But Conrad is a brat. He's a big snot. He's rude to all but a few people. When Angel moved out, I asked him if he wanted the bird but then changed my mind about giving Conrad away. I've had him for 6 years, how can I just pass him along? I felt bad about giving him away. I regret this decision today.

I thought it was a huge treat for Conrad to be out of his cage for so many hours, carried from room to room as I swept, dusted, cleaned the cage. When we went to the bathroom, he flew away and landed in the bathtub full of water. I put him in the sink to rinse him off and dabbed the bleed-stop stuff where he hit his wing. He seemed pretty mad, but he was bleed since he's a pretty crappy flyer and always hits walls and stuff. I tried to give him a kiss but he huffed at me.

While reassembling his cage, reconfiguring it as I do to prevent him from getting bored living with the same set-up year after year, he refused to sit any where other than on the table-top among his swings and hanging toys. I went to move him, he did this shrill noise he only uses when threatened like when I clip his nails, and then bit me.

I always tell people that his bites don't hurt. Our kisses are just little bites on my lip. When he's perched on my finger and I box with him using my thumb, he never hurts. But he drew blood last night. He got me right in the pad of my thumb and made it bleed like a deep pin prick. He refused to let me pick him up and move him back to the cage. He wanted nothing to do with me touching him. I actually had to use a pen to get him back in. This morning, there were no morning noises, no clicks of his tongue telling me hello.

He's only drew blood once before. When he was still young and being moved into my parents' house for winter break. I was taking him out of his travelling box. He flew away and a cat appeared, ready to attack. My mother grabbed Conrad and he bit her hard. He's never liked her since, even though she's taken better care of him. She never forgets to give him extra veggies, shares her popcorn, buys him the millet he loves.

I am not a bird person. Birds were just the best of the pet options college housing approved. I've learned to like him and he has always been pretty nice to me. But now it seems as if he hates me. Does he think I took Angel away? Does he hate me for cleaning his cage which he so carefully covered in waterproofing-film this past year? I feel so unloved.

I remember those days of teaching him to trust me, luring him out of his cage with Cherrios and seeds. He learned a wolf-whistle and sounded like a construction worker. He was always perched on my shoulder as I sat and wrote papers. He'd bounce his head to music and instantly perk up the the Beatle's Black Bird. I'd place him on my desk and let him play with my plastic dinosaurs. The day he learned hello he said it over and over, me unsure because it's not very clear. When I finally said hello back, he stopped, happy that I understood. Hello shortly turned into hello kitty. He'd mimic the hawks hunting at dawn, but immediately quiet when I groggily told himi to shut up. We'd sing songs back and forth. We'd give each other little kisses. He was not too bad, for a bird.

And then the little shit bit me.