2000-04-07

One time, in college, I wrote over 80 pages in one week. Granted, a lot of those pages included re-writes, edits, fine tuning and so forth, but substancial ones. Not just like, opps, I forgot a comma comma comma. I had no choice but to put forth that much paper waste because it was part of my collegiate ritual. I needed to produce. I needed to have something to show the world. I needed to do all this, I needed it because I was paying entirely too much money to not do well.

And now, I don't.

Now I have no need, no requirement to do any type of work. It felt amazing when this idea crossed over my head around the time I finished my thesis and was sitting around waiting to graduate with Tito Puente (and Muhammad Ali, but to mention him first is name dropping). I thought about 15 times a day, like a mantra, "THEY CAN'T MAKE ME DO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN." When I was feeling particularly sassy, I would throw my head back and laugh.

Now, the sad reality of not being in school is that my life may as well not exist because I have nothing to show for it. I am completely disposable. My day to day life is comprised of nothing worth showing off. There has been the occasional productive explosion, but it dies to fast and no substancial work is produced.

So my love Marie suggested an outlet for me. My love Angel told me that I shouldn't give him all these motivational speeches when I do nothing to motivate myself. My thinking is good and well but if nothing is there, even if for myself.

SO, because I love my friends and because they like to have fun with the world and because I have realized since leaving college my level of productivity is next to nothing, I am doing this. And to give Marie a way to show me off to the people that will never really understand anyhow. (her pita)